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Curling ad contains over two seconds of sizzling action

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  one week ago  •  8 comments

By:   Mark Hill - The Beaverton

Curling ad contains over two seconds of sizzling action

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


OTTAWA –  Television  viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second  curling  commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action.

“I always thought curling was just an excuse to get plastered,” said 43-year-old Simon Podolski. “But the way that stone nudged that other stone… and it was spinning a little bit? Count me in.”

The ad, which is for an upcoming slam or briar or whatever curling tournaments are called, also contained a brief shot of a broom sweeping the   ice , as well as a clip of a man pumping his fist. Onscreen text clarified that, despite looking like a tax accountant, the man in question is a professional curler named Greg somebody.

“Curling is the single most athletic sport on the planet aside from all the real ones,” said veteran curling reporter Kathy Shepherd. “This marketing blitz should entice countless new fans to come watch the raw thrill of four consecutive blank ends.”

“I can’t wait to attend and/or see and/or find out what a bonspiel is,” said a fired-up   sports   fan. “And there’s a whole line of hogs? I can’t wait to see and/or pet and/or suck them.”

The ad concluded with a crowd shot of fans waving cowbells in a way that definitely didn’t look annoying while the words “COME GET ROCKED” appeared, then exploded in a wave of fire and guitar riffs.

“I don’t think the average Canadian realises just how intense curling is,” said a pro curler whose name we didn’t bother to jot down. “Sometimes the matches get so intense that I have to take a sip of water. And when the skip tells me to weigh the button? Oh, buddy. I will, but I’ll need to sit down afterwards.”

At press time, everyone who might have gotten into curling was distracted by a golf commercial where a ball rolled into a cup twice.


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Hallux
Professor Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    one week ago

A wider ice sheet could be a boost to full-contact curling.

 
 
 
Bob Nelson
Professor Guide
2  Bob Nelson    one week ago

This article does not go deeply enough into the strategic aspects of curling.

 
 
 
Hallux
Professor Principal
2.1  seeder  Hallux  replied to  Bob Nelson @2    one week ago

Jonathan Swift was unavailable.

 
 
 
Bob Nelson
Professor Guide
2.1.1  Bob Nelson  replied to  Hallux @2.1    one week ago

Slacker

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
2.2  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Bob Nelson @2    one week ago
"...the strategic aspects of curling."

One of the good things about the game.  Back in my high school days the school took us to The Thistle Club in Hamilton where we both curled and played squash - two of the many sports I was not very good at playing, but they were still fun.  Culing is one of the sports I still enjy watching on TV now., 

 
 
 
Freefaller
Professor Quiet
3  Freefaller    one week ago

While IRL I have curled (even skipped a bit) it was mostly an excuse to drink and socialize.  That being said I do like watching the pros on tv

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3.1  Kavika   replied to  Freefaller @3    one week ago

After seeing the commercial the Minnesota Curling association is voting on introducing “full contact curling.” Boomer Jefferies and Jean Baptiste LaBruyere of the Warroad Bombers noted that protective gear will not be allowed.

 
 
 
Hallux
Professor Principal
3.1.1  seeder  Hallux  replied to  Kavika @3.1    one week ago

As long as the ladies can still shout "Hard, Hard!"

 
 

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