╌>

White House Responds To Haitian Immigrant Crisis By Airdropping Crates Of Cats Into Springfield, OH

  

Category:  The Zoo

Via:  gregtx  •  4 weeks ago  •  17 comments

White House Responds To Haitian Immigrant Crisis By Airdropping Crates Of Cats Into Springfield, OH
SPRINGFIELD, OH — U.S. military cargo planes airdropped crates full of cats over Springfield on Thursday in a strategic response authorized by President Joe Biden to aid residents in light of the ongoing Haitian immigration crisis.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


SPRINGFIELD, OH — U.S. military cargo planes airdropped crates full of cats over Springfield on Thursday in a strategic response authorized by President Joe Biden to aid residents in light of the ongoing Haitian immigration crisis.

"Problem solved," Biden said, departing for Rehoboth Beach in celebration.

The airdrops began early this morning, just before dawn. Lieutenant Colonel Dick Kraven said of Operation Land On Their Feet, "We dropped over a hundred crates full of felines in strategic locations throughout the city in a concerted effort to replenish the local cat supply. Unfortunately, the large number of cats attracted wild coyotes and additional Haitian immigrants to the area."

The Babylon Bee has learned that Pentagon officials are disheartened by what they are calling an "unmitigated disaster" worse than Biden's disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan.

"All the cats are dead," reported General David Allvin, Chief of Staff of the United States Air Force. "Our follow-up crates full of scratching posts are useless."

NIAID Director Dr. Anthony Fauci said the event was not a terrible waste because they received vital data. "We can now say for certain that cats do not have nine lives," he said. "This is a game changer."

At publishing time, President Biden considered throwing more cats at the problem.


Tags

jrDiscussion - desc
[]
 
GregTx
Professor Guide
1  seeder  GregTx    4 weeks ago

512

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
1.1  Texan1211  replied to  GregTx @1    4 weeks ago

How long you give it until the first "this isn't satire" or "this isn't funny" replies?

 
 
 
GregTx
Professor Guide
1.1.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Texan1211 @1.1    4 weeks ago

Meh, mind over matter....

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Junior Quiet
1.1.2  afrayedknot  replied to  GregTx @1.1.1    4 weeks ago

“Meh, mind over matter....”

Imagine trying to explain to your six year old why they couldn’t go to school today:

‘First and foremost, honey, this has nothing to do with you. Remember that and always know you are loved. Sadly, it’s also important to remember that some people are different and they only care about themselves, even if it means they are willing to hurt others through their words or their actions. We will always protect you as best we can and will never, ever, ever let those bad people hurt you.’

‘Meh’?  Heart over hate.

How would you explain it? 

 
 
 
GregTx
Professor Guide
1.1.3  seeder  GregTx  replied to  afrayedknot @1.1.2    4 weeks ago

Explain what?

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
1.1.4  Tessylo  replied to  afrayedknot @1.1.2    4 weeks ago

What does that even mean?  'Meh, 'mind over matter' in regard to the responses to this alleged satire/humor?  Makes no sense.  

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
1.2  Tessylo  replied to  GregTx @1    4 weeks ago

This 'satire' is actually quite racist.  How deplorable.

 
 
 
GregTx
Professor Guide
1.2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Tessylo @1.2    4 weeks ago

How so?

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
1.2.2  Tessylo  replied to  GregTx @1.2.1    4 weeks ago

That you don't see it is quite sad.  Shameful. 

 
 
 
GregTx
Professor Guide
1.2.3  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Tessylo @1.2.2    4 weeks ago

[]

 
 
 
GregTx
Professor Guide
1.2.4  seeder  GregTx  replied to  GregTx @1.2.3    4 weeks ago

Mmmm 

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
2  Tessylo    4 weeks ago

So, this is what the cult of maga finds humorous.

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Junior Quiet
2.1  afrayedknot  replied to  Tessylo @2    4 weeks ago

Closing schools, terrorizing our children, inculcating racist stereotypes. Funny stuff. 

Unconscionable. 

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
3  devangelical    4 weeks ago

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
3.1  Tessylo  replied to  devangelical @3    4 weeks ago

Have you seen the one on Instagram by 'the kiffness'?

I wish I knew how to copy and paste it.  It's hilarious.

They're killing the dogs ... whoa whoa whoa whoa ... they're killing the cats ... meow meow meow meow

You have to watch it to appreciate it.

All the streaming proceeds go to a local shelter

He is a laughingstock -  him and jd

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
3.2  Tessylo  replied to  devangelical @3    4 weeks ago

That's pretty good and spot on as well.  

 
 
 
arkpdx
Professor Quiet
4  arkpdx    4 weeks ago

I sure hope Biden didn't deplete our strategic kitty supply. 

 
 

Who is online

cjcold


409 visitors