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Felony conviction first thing Trump has earned in whole life

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  2 weeks ago  •  7 comments

By:   IAN MACINTYRE - The Beaverton

Felony conviction first thing Trump has earned in whole life

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


MANHATTAN, NY – With Donald   Trump   becoming the first president in United States   history   to be found guilty of   criminal   charges, observers note that this felony conviction is also the first instance of Trump earning anything in his entire life.

“In all senses of the word, this is unprecedented,” explained Sherman Werner, a leading presidential historian. “Americans have never seen a former president convicted of a   crime , let alone 34 felony convictions, just as they have never once seen an instance of Donald Trump accomplishing anything entirely under his own power.”

Observers note that earning these felony convictions fly in the face of Trump’s long documented history of never lifting a finger to do real   work   in his 77 years on this planet. Despite subsisting entirely on family wealth and business connections, having his reputation as a shrewd businessman created out of whole cloth by reality   TV   producers, and clinching the 2016 presidential   election   with massive help from Russian cyber operations, Trump has finally earned a criminal conviction entirely on his own.

During a press conference outside of the courthouse, Trump demanded full credit for his historic felony convictions.

“People said that it couldn’t be done, but I proved them all wrong,” explained the former president. “The haters out there said that it was impossible for me to actually earn anything, especially given my decades-long list of failed businesses and bankruptcies. But I earned all of these guilty verdicts – 34 out of 34, a no hitter if you will.”

"Now, this was a long day in court earning these felony convictions, and my diaper is absolutely filled to the brim with my own waste. Excuse me,” Trump added before slowly shuffling away.

At press time, the official Republican presidential platform has been amended to include a 34 felony minimum.


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Hallux
PhD Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    2 weeks ago

One thing we know for sure, this was a verdict heard around the world, one that belies 'nothing sticks to Teflon Man'.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
1.1  devangelical  replied to  Hallux @1    2 weeks ago

fred and ray are long dead and there's nobody that can save his dumb ass from himself now ...

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Professor Principal
1.2  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  Hallux @1    2 weeks ago
One thing we know for sure, this was a verdict heard around the world

And they are laughing their asses off at the idiocy of the New York Judicial System being used as a campaign contribution for the incumbent. Seems it is backfiring slightly to the tune of $39million in a 10 hour period.

 
 
 
Hal A. Lujah
Professor Guide
1.2.1  Hal A. Lujah  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @1.2    2 weeks ago

Proving the old adage that fools and their money are soon parted.  

 
 
 
Hallux
PhD Principal
1.2.2  seeder  Hallux  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @1.2    2 weeks ago
And they are laughing their asses off at the idiocy of the New York Judicial System

Are they now ... could you name them? Kim, Vladimir, Xi and a host of others do not count.

 
 
 
Greg Jones
Professor Participates
1.3  Greg Jones  replied to  Hallux @1    2 weeks ago

Teflon Don

True that, the whole sordid affair will bounce right off of him. None of the malevolent mud will stick. Just made him stronger

 
 
 
Hal A. Lujah
Professor Guide
1.3.1  Hal A. Lujah  replied to  Greg Jones @1.3    2 weeks ago

As Trump has repeatedly stated, he could shoot someone on fifth Avenue and not lose a voter.  When is it going to occur to you that not losing a vote is vastly different than not gaining a vote?  The fools that accept Trump are irrelevant in the grand scheme.  They are not going to grow in numbers, they’re going to remain a stagnant, rancid cult.

 
 

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