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Poilievre meets with far-right east coast extremists to workshop summer conspiracies

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  4 weeks ago  •  7 comments

By:   CLARE BLACKWOOD - The Beaverton

Poilievre meets with far-right east coast extremists to workshop summer conspiracies

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


NOVA SCOTIA/ NEW BRUNSWICK   BORDER –   Conservative   leader Pierre Poilievre has met with far-right extremists camped out on the border between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, for the purpose of workshopping conspiracies for the summer season.

“It was a heck of a road trip, but I just had to visit my Tinfoil Hat Bros for advice on some new Justin   Trudeau   theories I’ve been working on,” stated the likely future leader of Canada, while awkwardly attempting to tuck his rumpled   white   shirt back into his pants.

Poilievre added, pointing to a Diagolon flag scrawled on the side of the protestors’ RV, “Who knows more about banger conspiracies than an accelerationist white supremacist militia network that the US Department of State’s Bureau of Counterterrorism has called ‘extremist’!”

Upon arriving, Poilievre began reading the brainstormed notes he had scrawled on the back of a tiny “Fuck Trudeau” flag. “We’re going to   kick   June off with a video of me saying that Justin is going to start charging Canadians $1000 every time they criticize him online. That was my idea. And then Tammy suggested saying that   Chrystia Freeland   is going to put all Conservative kids into LGBT training and recruitment camps, so that dinger will be our August opener.”

An excited Poilievre wouldn’t reveal what   conspiracy   he had planned for Canada Day, but we managed to spy the words “Trudeau + Fireworks + Chemtrails?” with a picture of what appeared to be burning Canadians running for their lives.

“Let’s be honest,” Poilievre shrugged, “I can say whatever I want and still become the next Prime Minister, so why not have some summer fun with it?”

Convoy protestor and “QAnon North” expert Brent Derwood excitedly stated that, for some reason, no politician had ever asked him and his friends for advice before.

“It’s about time these elites from Ottawa came to us for help in spreading insane, unchecked, and dangerous theories across the country,” Derwood stated, taking a break from spray painting a picture of Trudeau’s face with vampire fangs onto the side of his truck. “Hell, as far as I’m concerned it’s not summer without us posting at least one article about how liberal vaccines are making your guns gay.”

At press time, Poilievre had hired a skywriter to craft a message thanking Alex Jones for his recent endorsement.


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Hallux
PhD Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    4 weeks ago

Looks like Canada's version of extremism is a tad tired of playing second fiddle to America's version.

The Diagolon 'flag'.

256

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
1.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  Hallux @1    4 weeks ago

They need to up their game on their conspiracy theories if they want to outdo the US

 
 
 
evilone
Professor Guide
1.1.1  evilone  replied to  Trout Giggles @1.1    4 weeks ago

I don't know... The Queen of Canada is a pretty good one.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
1.1.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  evilone @1.1.1    4 weeks ago

I never thought of Canada as full of crazies

 
 
 
Ozzwald
Professor Quiet
1.1.3  Ozzwald  replied to  Trout Giggles @1.1.2    4 weeks ago
I never thought of Canada as full of crazies

At least they're polite crazies.

 
 
 
Hallux
PhD Principal
1.1.4  seeder  Hallux  replied to  Ozzwald @1.1.3    4 weeks ago
At least they're polite crazies.

Really? Try reading commentary at The National Post.

 
 
 
Ozzwald
Professor Quiet
1.1.5  Ozzwald  replied to  Hallux @1.1.4    4 weeks ago
Really? Try reading commentary at The National Post.

But...but...but...they're Canadians!!!

 
 

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