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Liberal budget promises 10 bajillion dollars to whatever thing you’re into

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  one month ago  •  11 comments

By:   JACOB PACEY - The Beaverton

Liberal budget promises 10 bajillion dollars to whatever thing you’re into

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


OTTAWA   – The new Liberal   budget   was officially released yesterday, with the   government   unveiling a number of plans involving new programs and spending, including $10 bajillion dollars for whatever thing you happen to be into right now.

“Today we are unveiling our most ambitious budget yet,” said   Finance   Minister   Chrystia Freeland . “In it, we are proud to set out a bajillion rillion quillion dollars in spending, which we will use for whatever thing we think you think is important.”

The budget laid out a number of promises to fix more or less everything, with extra funds earmarked for other random things too.

“We’re just throwing the kitchen sink at it at this point,” said Freeland, referring to the party’s efforts to fix   Canada   and/or get re-elected, and not necessarily in that order. “It’s our last   kick   at the can, fuck it.”

Housing ? We’ve got ten bajillion we’re spending on that. Education? 6 bajillion. Healthcare? 12 bajillion. What else, name something. AI? That’s in vogue right now, right?,” asked Freeland, openly riffing with reporters, improv style.

“AI. Youth mental health. Lunch programs. Environmentally friendly mortgages. If you can name it, we’ve got a couple bajillion for it.”

“It’s literally not even real money at this point,” added Canada’s Minister of Finance.

When asked how the government plans to pay for all the programs, the government pointed to a niche program to marginally raise capital gains taxes on a small portion of Canada’s wealthy, who will inevitably find a loophole out of paying.

In addition, the government announced plans to sell off old government buildings, sell old desks on kijiji, and cancel all funding related to researching any type of electoral reform.


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Hallux
PhD Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    one month ago

Meh, Mexico will pay for it ... thanks for the idea Donald!

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
2  Tessylo    one month ago

We liberals are known for our generosity

 
 
 
MonsterMash
Sophomore Quiet
2.1  MonsterMash  replied to  Tessylo @2    one month ago
We liberals are known for our generosity

Using other people's money.

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Professor Principal
2.1.1  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  MonsterMash @2.1    one month ago

Beat me to it.................

 
 
 
Hallux
PhD Principal
2.1.2  seeder  Hallux  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @2.1.1    one month ago

Oh darn ...

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
2.1.3  JBB  replied to  Hallux @2.1.2    one month ago

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Tessylo
Professor Principal
2.1.4  Tessylo  replied to  JBB @2.1.3    one month ago

jrSmiley_91_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
2.1.5  Tessylo  replied to  MonsterMash @2.1    one month ago

Oh for fucks' sake

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
2.1.6  Tessylo  replied to  JBB @2.1.3    one month ago

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Tessylo
Professor Principal
2.1.7  Tessylo  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @2.1.1    one month ago

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Tessylo
Professor Principal
2.1.8  Tessylo  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @2.1.1    one month ago

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