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Teacher struggling to indoctrinate child who never pays attention

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  8 months ago  •  9 comments

By:   ROB ITO - The Beaverton

Teacher struggling to indoctrinate child who never pays attention

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


REGINA, SK –   Local   school   teacher Max Hammond is concerned that if one of his students doesn’t start focusing more in class, they will miss out on being forcibly led to adopt a more left-wing viewpoint.

“I’m just trying to do my job, namely shaping these impressionable young minds into considering ideas and feelings they could never reach on their own,” says Hammond, who teaches 6th grade at Caswell Public Elementary School. “But every time I get ready to shove some gender theory down Travis’ throat, he’s just doodling in his notebook, making spitballs, or watching Tiktok.”

“Needless to say, I’m very concerned. Travis scored the lowest in the class in his Advanced Analingus midterm. If this trend continues he won’t get into women’s college, and then never become the soyboy beta cuck I know he can be!”

Hammond insists he has tried everything to ensure his pupil is steered towards coming out as non-binary, and thusly won’t have to be held back a grade. “As a modern educator, sometimes the subtle approach works best. I assigned   The Right Hand of Darkness   as his book report, started addressing the class lizard with they/them pronouns, and bribed the French teacher to forget to teach the masculine/feminine stuff. If all else fails, I may see about assigning (Travis) a   study   buddy. Kay is gender non-conforming at an 8th level.”

Asked why he works so hard to indoctrinate the minds of impressionable young   children , Hammond explains his mission. “Twisting the minds of tomorrow’s youth really is its own reward,” notes the teacher. “Plus, where else can   you   turn an entire generation of children against their   parents , AND earn a low 5 figure salary where I have to purchase most of my own supplies and work late into the night grading papers and doing lesson plans.”

Still, Hammond is concerned that his stated project to twist and pervert the young student minds in his care could yet be derailed. “Hopefully, my educational trickery gets Travis up to non-binary speed, before a bunch of loud parents form a convey. That would be the one and only thing that can stop me dead in my cross-dressing tracks.”

Hammond’s struggle to get Travis to understand gender non-conformity against his will is reportedly not unique to his classroom. Even teachers of classes with high brainwashing averages report at least one problem child who is too much of a free thinker to embrace the oppressively liberal teachings of the public school system. This has led to an increased number of parent-teacher conferences across the province, where the teachers hope to indoctrinate the parents and thus make their jobs easier.

Caswell Public has made several changes over the years to ensure the safe mental brainwashing of children. These include adding non-binary washrooms, a Comparative Religion class that explains why they are all equally bad, and a science program that really drives home that God doesn’t exist.

At press time, an exhausted Mr. Hammond was putting a video for the class, hoping the subliminal messaging of RuPaul’s Drag Race would do the trick.


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Hallux
PhD Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    8 months ago

Ursula K. Le Guin's Hainish Universe of 'The Left Hand of Darkness' is not to be confused with the Hedonist Universe of The Right Hand of Darkness.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
2  Kavika     8 months ago

non-conformance is a study group led by Professor Erwin Corey.

 
 
 
Hallux
PhD Principal
2.1  seeder  Hallux  replied to  Kavika @2    8 months ago

A waggish wag of waggery.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
3  devangelical    8 months ago

christo-fascism has always been the gateway to total indoctrination. check for furry knuckles or a protruding frontal lobe among the most mentally challenged...

 
 
 
Thomas
Senior Guide
4  Thomas    8 months ago

This line bears repeating:

“Needless to say, I’m very concerned. Travis scored the lowest in the class in his Advanced Analingus midterm. If this trend continues he won’t get into women’s college, and then never become the soyboy beta cuck I know he can be!”

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
5  Trout Giggles    8 months ago

Some are not going to get that this is satire and they will come in to this seed shouting at the rest of us "SEE???? WE TOLD  YOU WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!!"

 
 
 
mocowgirl
Professor Quiet
5.1  mocowgirl  replied to  Trout Giggles @5    8 months ago
Some are not going to get that this is satire

Probably ate glue when they were children - or possibly sniffed it to kill the few brain cells they had been blessed with.

Today my stress relieving song is.  

 
 
 
Tacos!
Professor Guide
6  Tacos!    8 months ago

In right wing paranoid fantasyland, teachers easily indoctrinate kids into communism, pedophilia, and gender confusion - all without their parents finding out.

In the real world teachers are lucky if they can just keep the kids from eating paste.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
6.1  Kavika   replied to  Tacos! @6    8 months ago
In the real world teachers are lucky if they can just keep the kids from eating paste.

LMAO, how true.

 
 

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