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Audience Cheers As Apple Unveils First Carbon-Neutral Uyghur Slave Camp

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  2 weeks ago  •  39 comments

Audience Cheers As Apple Unveils First Carbon-Neutral Uyghur Slave Camp
CUPERTINO, CA — Apple capped off its rollout day by announcing the first ever totally carbon-neutral Uyghur slave camp, to raucous cheers from those gathered in attendance.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


CUPERTINO, CA — Apple capped off its rollout day by announcing the first ever totally carbon-neutral Uyghur slave camp, to raucous cheers from those gathered in attendance.

"Let your conscience rest easy, knowing that the entire slave camp is one hundred percent carbon-neutral," said CEO Tim Cook. "Not an ounce of carbon will escape those camps - much like the child slaves working there."

Loud cheers broke out across the auditorium, the audience rising to its feet to give a standing ovation. "Carbon-neutral slaves! What will they think of next??" said onlooker Jamie Ruskin. "This will be an absolute game-changer for the industry. Slave labor has always felt icky because of the terrible carbon emission it produces. Apple has done it again!"

According to sources within Apple, the entire camp is designed to be carbon-neutral from the moment a slave is born to the moment they die. Each slave will receive a branding that says "I'm Carbon Neutral" as part of the rollout campaign.

At publishing time, Tim Cook had reportedly gone to personally survey the slave camp, declaring, "Mother nature will be pleased."


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GregTx
Masters Guide
1  seeder  GregTx    2 weeks ago

512

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
1.1  Texan1211  replied to  GregTx @1    2 weeks ago

Funny stuff!

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Expert
2  Sean Treacy    2 weeks ago

Perfect

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3  Buzz of the Orient    2 weeks ago

Yes, "PERFECT".  A perfect article that should it come to the attention of the censors in China, who have NO sense of humour, you, Greg, will have succeeded in getting TheNewstalkers blocked in China and since I will not use a VPN, getting rid of me.  I'm sure that would make some members like Sean and others very happy.  Maybe you had better start practising being the Spam Police here and spend time every single day checking new signups and following recent ones like I do.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3    2 weeks ago

Is China still denying they imprisoned Uyghurs?

 
 
 
GregTx
Masters Guide
3.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3    2 weeks ago

Colour me confused Buzz, are you saying that,  somehow, my posting a seed that criticizes,  in a satirical way, China's human rights violations might cause them to censor this site so that you might not be able to inform the uninformed as to how bad America is really?...

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3.2.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  GregTx @3.2    2 weeks ago

America has a First Amendment, and this site's motto is "Speak Your Mind".  Surely you and others here are not denying me from exercising the same free speech rights that you have and are so proud of.  However I am not in America, I am in China, and the laws and mores here are different.  Things get censored here - even relatively mild scenes in movies and I can give you examples of that.  There must be thousands of censors reviewing the internet here, and IMO if one saw your article he/she might not think it's funny, and decide to block NT from China forever.  I'm not saying it WILL happen, I'm saying it COULD happen.  And if it does I'm, sure that those who have seen vote up your comments here will be happy to get rid of me.  Most anti-China articles are not quite as forthright and vicious as yours, and I have not reacted to them as I have just reacted to this one. 

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Principal
3.2.2  Perrie Halpern R.A.  replied to  GregTx @3.2    2 weeks ago

Buzz is being truthful. Here is a list of who they are blocking:

It is a sad state of affairs, but there you have it. Let's hope we are not on their radar.

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Sophomore Expert
3.2.3  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3.2.2    2 weeks ago

No way, why would the prosperous China, now full of bright and shiny free people block their access to international internet?

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.2.4  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.2.1    2 weeks ago
Surely you and others here are not denying me from exercising the same free speech rights that you have and are so proud of.

That is 100% true.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3.2.5  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Texan1211 @3.2.4    2 weeks ago

Thank you, Tex.  I take that as a positive affirmation, and not a filthy sarcastic comment as another might prefer to post.  Of course, we all know there are all kinds of people in the world.

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
3.2.6  Sparty On  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3.2.2    2 weeks ago

That list speaks for itself.   NTers is not responsible for, nor should it be beholden to, actors who censor free speech so aggressively.

But, that’s your choice I guess ….. this is your baby.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Principal
3.2.7  Perrie Halpern R.A.  replied to  Sparty On @3.2.6    2 weeks ago

Buzz is free to say what he wants to say as is Greg. There has been no censorship. The article still stands, so NT still abides by "Speak your mind", in every aspect. I understand that everyone has a different perspective on this, and that is no different from every other article here. 

Please don't make it sound like I silenced anyone here.

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
3.2.8  Sparty On  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3.2.7    2 weeks ago
Buzz is free to say what he wants to say as is Greg

As am I.

My comment was not directed at you Perrie other than it’s your site and your choice on how to run it.    No judgement on my part at all.

 
 
 
Sunshine
Professor Participates
3.3  Sunshine  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3    2 weeks ago

Your problem is with China not Greg.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3.3.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Sunshine @3.3    2 weeks ago

Not so, Sunshine, because the exposure of that problem with China is a problem for me.  Maybe I have to walk on eggshells, but as long as I do I'm fine and I'm happy and actually feel a lot safer here than I would feel in America.  Greg and everyone else here are quite free to post whatever they want, but I am a Canadian no matter where I live and in Canada there is a limit to free speech that can bring harm to people.  Unfortunately that limitation does not exist in America because it is possible that what Greg posted could cause me irreparable harm as I have explained.  I have to rely on the good will of the NT members to NOT put me in that position even if there is only a miniscule chance that I could be harmed.  I'm not a gambling man.  But if anyone here WANTS to get rid of me, you all know how to do it.

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
3.3.2  JohnRussell  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.3.1    2 weeks ago

People here dont need to criticize China so much, they do it because it is fun for them. Boys just want to have fun. 

I have always thought Americans on forums like this talk about China way too much. It is almost an obsession for some. 

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Professor Principal
3.3.3  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  JohnRussell @3.3.2    2 weeks ago
It is almost an obsession for some. 

Kind of like yours with Trump? Yeah, just like that...

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
3.3.4  JohnRussell  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @3.3.3    2 weeks ago

If Trump was on the other side of the world, basically out of sight and mind, you'd have a point.

No such luck. 

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
3.3.5  Tessylo  replied to  JohnRussell @3.3.4    2 weeks ago

Did you hear the latest about the former 'president' on Megan Kelly and his latest confession to crimes under the Espionage act?

So funny in responses on X - George Conway posted the Miranda Warning

1.   You have the right to remain silent.

2.    Anything you say CAN AND WILL be used against you in a court of law.

jrSmiley_78_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Professor Principal
3.3.6  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  JohnRussell @3.3.4    2 weeks ago

No the point stands. You are obsessed.

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
3.3.7  JohnRussell  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @3.3.6    2 weeks ago

You're right. I'm prejudiced against traitors. 

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
3.3.8  Tessylo  replied to  JohnRussell @3.3.7    2 weeks ago

Same here.  

The defense of the indefensible is insane

 
 
 
Sunshine
Professor Participates
3.3.9  Sunshine  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.3.1    2 weeks ago

Quit the pretzel twist you have going on there.  So no country should be critiqued because it may cause harm to anybody is your statement.  [Deleted]

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
3.3.10  Vic Eldred  replied to  Tessylo @3.3.5    2 weeks ago

The Miranda Warning was a bad idea.

Law enforcement was much more efficient without it:


7bcad11ff92262a7a788213359987aa9.jpg

Go get "em

 
 
 
shona1
Masters Quiet
3.3.11  shona1  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.3.1    2 weeks ago

Evening Buzz..rather sad to think you feel you may have to walk on egg shells...

My taste of communism was in Russia in 1987 and it was under full communist rule the KGB were everywhere...must admit it gave me a rather uncomfortable feeling and constantly looking over my shoulder...

We were looked upon with suspicion and had to be careful of what we said, who we spoke to and what we were doing.. didn't worry about what we read it was all in Russian anyway...that was enough for me and was more than happy to depart all the communist countries we visited...

Made me appreciate even more what we have here in Australia and no doubt similar to what you had in Canada.

No one is getting rid of you Buzz otherwise there will be one Aussie madder than a cut snake ...Us colonials have to stick together and besides at least we are in a close time zone..not like some others I can mention..😁😁

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3.3.12  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Sunshine @3.3.9    2 weeks ago

I think, Sunshine, you have missed the point.  I guess you didn't read what I said above...

"Most anti-China articles are not quite as forthright and vicious as yours, and I have not reacted to them as I have just reacted to this one."

With all the anti-China articles/seeds that have been posted here I mostly don't even touch them and never before have I reacted in the manner I have here.  Not only does that seed emphasize slavery, it speaks of slavery from birth, i.e. child slavery.  It's VICIOUS and Chinese censors don't have a sense of humour. 

If ever any NT member could be negatively effected or harmed in some way by what I post, and it is explained to me, I would have deleted the article/seed immediately, and once I actually did that.  I guess that's a really "twisted" thing to do, eh Sunshine?

Obviously I expect too much of others. 

 
 
 
Sunshine
Professor Participates
3.3.13  Sunshine  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.3.12    2 weeks ago

I guess you have to accept where you choose to live and the consequences it may have for you.  Nobody is forcing you to participate in Newstalkers or asking you to be silent.  Your reasoning is reminiscent of Nazi tactics…don’t speak out against the regime. You of all people should know better.  

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3.3.14  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  shona1 @3.3.11    2 weeks ago

Thank you Shona.  Actually the eggshells are pretty strong - it's just situations like this particular one that are a problem, and as I've said here already, usually it's not so threatening.

 
 
 
Jack_TX
Professor Quiet
3.3.15  Jack_TX  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.3.1    2 weeks ago
Maybe I have to walk on eggshells, but as long as I do I'm fine and I'm happy and actually feel a lot safer here than I would feel in America

Here in America, we have a saying about liberty and safety.

We have another saying about stones and glass houses.

I like you, Buzz, but you've definitely got a glass house situation going on here.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3.3.16  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Jack_TX @3.3.15    2 weeks ago

I don't put any other members in a dangerous or difficult situation or at risk of losing the ability to communicate on NT.  And what I post is on topic no matter where in the world I am living.  If the topic is American politics I post comments about American politics.  Besides, I'm not Chinese by race or citizenship, I'm a Canadian.  I used to have a friend on this site who called me a racist.  Yes, I'm a racist white man living with a Chinese wife and family - some racist.

 
 
 
Jack_TX
Professor Quiet
3.3.17  Jack_TX  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.3.16    2 weeks ago
I don't put any other members in a dangerous or difficult situation or at risk of losing the ability to communicate on NT.

Buzz, you criticize my country all the time, and the fact you have zero idea WTF you're talking about never seems to dissuade you.

You choose to live where you do, and you choose to accept the restrictions that come with it.  Now, I honestly and truly would hate to lose you from this forum, and I sincerely hope that doesn't happen. 

But you definitely live in a glass house and you've definitely thrown quite a few stones at ours, so don't be surprised when many of the Americans on here aren't particularly sympathetic to your situation.

 
 
 
Colour Me Free
Junior Quiet
3.3.18  Colour Me Free  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3.3.1    2 weeks ago
Unfortunately that limitation does not exist in America because it is possible that what Greg posted could cause me irreparable harm as I have explained. I have to rely on the good will of the NT members to NOT put me in that position even if there is only a miniscule chance that I could be harmed.  I'm not a gambling man.

Seems to me that the only way to draw attention from those with no sense of humor to an article that could do you harm is to repeatedly comment on it?  Perhaps?

P.s.... unfortunately America has not limitations on speech?  GregTX should know better than to put you at risk?  That sounds like my neighbor that does not like that I have an electric fence strand on my fence 'never mind that it is not on' .. she wants me to remove it, because I am not considering her children and dogs ... well she is more than welcome to put up her own fence and Ta Da problem solved. 

I certainly do not want 'irreparable' harm to come to you because GregTX seeded a humorous article.  yet sadly the country you 'choose' to live in is on you .. relying on other to keep you safe from several continents away is unrealistic.

Stay safe Buzz .. I hope that no harm comes to you and that I will be reading your comments again soon.

 
 
 
shona1
Masters Quiet
3.3.19  shona1  replied to  Colour Me Free @3.3.18    one week ago

Morning Colour...one thing down here, we are just plain normal..😁

You mob are just plain strange at times, the Brits a pain in the arse, the Russians what can we say, the Kiwi's well they are over here and the Chinese always good for a poke at..and we do it so well..

And people think we are weird because we live upside down...😁🐨

 
 
 
Colour Me Free
Junior Quiet
3.3.20  Colour Me Free  replied to  shona1 @3.3.19    one week ago

Good evening (?) or is it night to you Shona ..?  Alexa tells me you are 19 hours ahead, but I do not know if that is ahead of PST or EST - I am MST  : )   

Gotta tell you that I have no clue what normal is .. I am strange .. possibly bordering on weird ..... sooo when I run across someone weirder than me .. I just have to shake my head and become the logical one - I hate that!  Upside down indeed!

You behave and have a sweet sleep  : )

 
 
 
shona1
Masters Quiet
3.3.21  shona1  replied to  Colour Me Free @3.3.20    one week ago

Morning Colour.. it's 9am Sunday 17th here...so your today is our yesterday..😁

Had to google MST...I have heard of PST and EST but not MST...I live by the sea but do like the mountains as well..

So yes I am now ready to run amok for the day...have a good evening..🦘

 
 
 
GregTx
Masters Guide
4  seeder  GregTx    one week ago

Tell you what, I won't post any seeds or comments about China if you won't post any seeds or comments about America. Deal?...

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
4.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  GregTx @4    one week ago

Obviously you really don't give a shit if I get blocked from NT.  Most time articles about China are not vicious so either I don't even care and ignore them or else post a neutral comment on them. When the topic is America I will damn well post on topic comments whether you fucking well like it or not, BUT I WILL NEVER PUT ANY MEMBER OF NT AT RISK, EVEN ONES I HAVE REASON TO DISLIKE.  That's where we differ.  

 
 
 
GregTx
Masters Guide
4.1.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @4.1    one week ago
Most time articles about China are not vicious..

Vicious?... Is there anyone "out here" that doesn't think China's take on human rights might be off?

When the topic is America I will damn well post on topic comments whether you fucking well like it or not,

And you should..

That's where we differ.  

Certainly not the only place..

So..... I'm gonna take that as a no..

[deleted]

 
 

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