New Mexico Criminals Excited To Hear No One Will Be Armed For Entire Month
Category: SatireVia: gregtx • 2 weeks ago • 12 comments
NEW MEXICO — Criminals across New Mexico were ecstatic to hear from Governor Grisham today that no one in the state would be armed for an entire month.
"Oh, sweet!" said local carjacker Jeff Diggs. "It's so stressful wondering if your next victim could be packing. Gosh, that's such a weight off!"
New Mexico Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham made the announcement yesterday in a press conference, to resounding cheers from criminals across the state. "I just want every thief in our great state to know they have nothing to fear," said Governor Grisham. "We're delivering bold leadership on crime, and making a statement to the nation. That statement is this: For the next month, criminals in New Mexico can rob and assault anyone with absolute impunity."
Organized crime rings broke out in applause and slapped high-fives, ecstatic about the news. "Man, I'm getting tears in my eyes," said Albuquerque gangster Sean Rogers. "What a relief, knowing we're the only ones with the guns. This is going to be amazing."
At publishing time, Governor Grisham had announced to further cheers that she would also be taking away guns from the police.