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Mitch McConnell Blinks Twice To Signal His Resignation

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  4 weeks ago  •  10 comments

Mitch McConnell Blinks Twice To Signal His Resignation
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Mitch McConnell resigned from Congress without warning Thursday, signaling his departure by blinking twice.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


WASHINGTON, D.C. — Mitch McConnell resigned from Congress without warning Thursday, signaling his departure by blinking twice.

"This is just so sudden," said an aide speaking on behalf of long-time colleague Sen Dianne Feinstein. "He's so young!"

The surprise announcement came about in response to a reporter's unrelated question about why Ukraine was being sent more money while the state of Florida was underwater. The senator suddenly stopped speaking and was joined at the podium by an aide.

"Senator, did you hear the question? Blink twice if you heard the question," said the unidentified McConnell aide.

McConnell replied by staring blankly forward as if observing a distant light on the horizon, or watching the waves lap upon distant white shores. The aide interpreted this action as a desire to change topics.

"Senator, blink twice if you want to resign. SENATOR, CAN YOU HEAR ME? BLINK TWICE, SENATOR!"

According to sources, the crowd gasped as Mitch McConnell blinked twice, ending a 238-year run as State Senator.

"I'm sorry, but it's time to go. I have many things to do," McConnell's aide said, translating the 81-year-old senator's distant stare. "I regret to announce — this is the end. I'm going now. Goodbye."

The solemn moment when the aide threw McConnell into a wheelchair and abruptly rolled him out of view was caught on camera. A touching end to a noble political career.

A statement was later released by the senator's office: "McConnell, who was first elected to the United States Senate in ages past, shortly after he emerged from the primordial seas as a young turtle, is grateful for the support of his fellow Kentuckians but is eager to step down from public life to write a series of romance novels set in the frontier. Thank you, and God Bless"

At publishing time, it was revealed Mitch McConnell had not actually retired. He just wanted to send even more money to Ukraine.


Article is LOCKED by author/seeder
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GregTx
Masters Guide
1  seeder  GregTx    4 weeks ago

512

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
1.1  devangelical  replied to  GregTx @1    4 weeks ago

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2  Texan1211    4 weeks ago

I am almost willing to bet even our liberal friends will suddenly see the humor in this article.

It's a miracle!

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.1  Ronin2  replied to  Texan1211 @2    4 weeks ago

Only because it is about a Republican.

If it was about Brandon, Feinstein, Fetterman, or one of the other Democrats that are unfit physically or mentally to serve they would be screaming agism, racism, sexism, and any other ism they could throw in.

Of course it wouldn't be funny then either, Satire is only funny when it is about Republicans/conservatives.

 
 
 
JumpDrive
Freshman Silent
2.2  JumpDrive  replied to  Texan1211 @2    4 weeks ago
see the humor in

It's not funny at all. How can anyone find this or Feinstein funny. This ending is the worst imaginable for someone. If liberals are thinking that Mitch's replacement will be better, they need to wake up. Mitch is from KY, his replacement will be super-MAGA; at least Mitch knew what Trump did was wrong.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2.2.1  Texan1211  replied to  JumpDrive @2.2    4 weeks ago

Jeeze, lighten up--its satire, ffs.

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
Professor Expert
2.2.2  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  JumpDrive @2.2    4 weeks ago
How can anyone find this or Feinstein funny.

Those of us that see the humor in this don't have our panties in a wad freaking out over every little slight that comes along.  We are able to laugh at things then move on with our day.  

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
3  Vic Eldred    4 weeks ago

I guess we can all laugh at this one.

 
 
 
Transyferous Rex
Freshman Quiet
4  Transyferous Rex    4 weeks ago

It's not funny. (okay, I did chuckle, a little, when I first read the headline)

I'd say I feel sorry for Mitch, but I don't.  Feinstein, Fetterman, McConnell...true examples of voters making informed decisions at the polls. 

 
 

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