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San Francisco Announces Plan To Release Monkeys Onto The Streets To Fling Away All The Poo

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  last year  •  10 comments

San Francisco Announces Plan To Release Monkeys Onto The Streets To Fling Away All The Poo
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In an effort to finally clean up the streets, San Francisco announced they will release several packs of monkeys into the city to help fling away all the poo.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In an effort to finally clean up the streets, San Francisco announced they will release several packs of monkeys into the city to help fling away all the poo.

"We all know monkeys like to throw poo," said John Hawkins, Director for the Department of Sanitation. "We have lots of poo. It's a match made in heaven."

Mr. Hawkins said the program will strategically deploy groups of monkeys to HPAs, or "High Poo Areas", throughout the city. "Each HPA will have its own designated team of monkeys for poo-flinging," explained Mr. Hawkins. "All of the monkeys have been screened by the Department of Sanitation for throwing ability and love for poo. I'm really proud of the crew we've assembled."

While many San Francisco residents welcomed the news, residents of the upscale Presidio Heights district were less enthusiastic. "This is primate gentrification at its worst," said Beau Lucas, a long-time resident. "We are literally taking the produce of our unsheltered residents and giving it to monkeys. Also, monkeys don't have that great of an aim. Don't ask me how I know, but I know."

At publishing time, the monkeys had broken several windows with poo flinging, but fortunately, the buildings were all abandoned storefronts.


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GregTx
Professor Guide
1  seeder  GregTx    last year

512

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
2  Buzz of the Orient    last year

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Ed-NavDoc
Professor Quiet
3  Ed-NavDoc    last year

It would probably be more effective than anything the city of San Francisco mayor, city council, and public works dept have shown themselves capable of doing in the last several years.

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Silent
4  charger 383    last year

If the monkeys were put on the city council they would probably do a better job than current members

 
 
 
Ed-NavDoc
Professor Quiet
4.1  Ed-NavDoc  replied to  charger 383 @4    last year

They would certainly be more intelligent.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
4.1.1  Texan1211  replied to  Ed-NavDoc @4.1    last year

it's a very low bar.

 
 
 
Ed-NavDoc
Professor Quiet
4.1.2  Ed-NavDoc  replied to  Texan1211 @4.1.1    last year

Yeah. Like low enough for a ant to get under!

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
5  Texan1211    last year

This is funny because there is no telling what the next hare-brained scheme they'll try to pull next.

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Junior Expert
6  Drinker of the Wry    last year

Fiction becomes reality as I once book about this, Brown Spots on Cars by Ho Fung Poo.

 
 
 
MonsterMash
Sophomore Quiet
7  MonsterMash    last year

In an effort to finally clean up the streets, San Francisco announced they will release several packs of monkeys into the city to help fling away all the poo.

We all know monkeys like to throw poo," said John Hawkins, Director for the Department of Sanitation. "We have lots of poo.

Ought OH, the residents of San Franciso now have to watch out for flying illegal immigants.

 
 

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