Danielle Smith spotted on campaign trail with “Holocaust analogies = BAD” scribbled on her hand
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
EDMONTON – After apologising for comments made on a 2021 podcast that compared vaccinated Albertans to the followers of Adolf Hitler, Premier Danielle Smith has been doing her best to avoid similar blunders on the campaign trail.
“I understand that suggesting the vast majority of Albertans are equivalent to Nazi sympathisers is, uh…. bad,” Smith said during a stump speech, after pausing to glance at her palm. “The COVID vaccine was an important development that saved many… flies?”
“When I said I wouldn’t wear a poppy in protest of public health measures, I simply meant I didn’t want to risk burdening an already overworked healthcare system by poking myself real bad. After all, I think we can all agree veterans are… let’s see here… good, puppies are… cute, and COVID was exploited by radical dictator Justin Trudeau to tyrannise us. Wait, shoot, sorry, that says ‘wasn’t.’ Wasn’t. Yeah, that’s my stance now, sure.”
Smith claims her comments sprung from feelings of frustration during the pandemic , as annoyance and irritation are commonly associated with suggesting that broad swathes of your province are onboard with genocide.
“I’m not the immature 50-year-old I was two whole years ago,” Smith said, before another pause to squint at the notes on her other hand. “I’m now much more, uh… electable.”
A UCP strategist, speaking on the condition of anonymity, argued that Smith’s new “pausing to think about what the fuck she’s saying” tactic will be essential to winning the election.
“Outsiders probably don’t know this, but as a political operative with over a decade of experience on both the municipal and provincial level, I can tell you that comparing your electorate to the people who orchestrated the Holocaust almost never goes over well. Just a little peek behind the curtain for you.”
Smith’s new approach already appears to be paying off.
“I’d say I feel discriminated against, but Premier Smith has already declared the unvaccinated the real victims of discrimination,” one voter said. “So now that she’s said we need to move on from her calling me a Nazi, this election is pretty much back to square one.”
At press time, a confident and re-energised Danielle Smith stuck to her script by comparing vaccinated Albertans to the followers of Joseph Stalin .
In a related article:
Danielle Smith claims wildfires would never have happened if trees refused to get vaccinated
CALGARY – Danielle Smith and her administration are currently under fire for a comment she made during a press conference where she explained the trees currently being burned would have not been if they refused to get vaccinations.
“Trees that got vaccinated to protect their fellow trees from disease are actually Nazis ,” Smith explained. “A lot of people are saying these fires are caused by nature, but I think it’s pretty clear that the fire is simply a reaction to the fascist vaccine mandates placed on all these trees by the federal government.”
Many fans of Danielle Smith’s leadership have echoed Smith’s views on the connection between vaccines and wildfires , some believing that this wildfire is simply a reaction to the vaccine, some saying that the wildfire was lit by the government merely to force trees to get vaccinated to become slaves, and others that the fire was born out of a lab in China and not a real fire.
Smith’s campaign has had more than its fair share of trouble recently, as it was revealed that she used her position in order to try and get wildfires amnesty for joining the convoy protests to protest public safety measures, demonstrating against the LGBTQ community, and starting a fire.
“Like I said before, I didn’t even know we were going to discuss fire or anything about fire,” explained Smith defending her phone call to the wildfire. “He really surprised me when he brought up burning a whole bunch of places. But I didn’t want to be rude so we kept talking.”
Smith has since apologized for the comments, claiming she did not ever mean to compare trees in a free country choosing the most selfless option in a dire time to people who joined a war and murdered their neighbours.
“At least, I no longer mean what I said because I have been told I cannot say that. So up until whatever is the best time for me to change my opinion, that’s when I did it.”
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As of the time of posting it is unknown if twin sisters Danielle Smith and Marjorie Taylor Greene share the same father or the same mother ... shared stupidity suggests the same father.
This is good satire. I don't know who Ms. Smith is but I can appreciate this bit of comedy
She is the premier of Alberta
The people from Calgary must be so happy!
I know so little about Canadian politics. I didn't realize that provinces had premiers. Well that makes sense...that would be the equivalent of our governors
Most are trained to be conservatives at conception.
They are told everything will be all-right.
Ahhh, but what's her stance on WestEx? I loved my time in Alberta and Saskatchewan from years back. Would love to see part of it join us... /s
(like I expect the success of this to be about the same as Eastern Washington being successful in breaking away and joining Idaho.)
She has gone from hardcore to softcore ... Brexit panned out to be the predictable dud it has become.
I can confirm that all trees in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan have been vaccinated.
I do not recognize any Preimier with the exception of Louis Riel father and founder of Manitoba.
Canada First! Sound familiar?
It sure does.