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Efficiency: New DHS Secretary Kristi Noem Pledges To Cut K-9 Workforce By 90%

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  3 weeks ago  •  6 comments

Efficiency: New DHS Secretary Kristi Noem Pledges To Cut K-9 Workforce By 90%
U.S. — Newly appointed Secretary for the Department of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has wasted no time in announcing plans to make the department leaner and more efficient, pledging to immediately cut the K-9 workforce by 90% as soon as she takes command.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


U.S. — Newly appointed Secretary for the Department of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has wasted no time in announcing plans to make the department leaner and more efficient, pledging to immediately cut the K-9 workforce by 90% as soon as she takes command.

"I will see to it personally," announced Noem, mimicking the cocking of a shotgun. "We are going to blast the inefficiency in DHS to smithereens."

Pundits have hailed Noem's day-one pledge, seeing signs of a strong leader not afraid to do the dirty work of downsizing DHS. "The Department has become an oversized behemoth. It needs someone who can pull the trigger on tough decisions," said Fox News reporter Brit Hume. "It's time someone took the old DHS out behind the woodshed and put it to rest. We need new, fresh blood -- and she's going to deliver it."

At publishing time, several packs of former K-9 dogs were spotted heading for the Canadian border.


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GregTx
Professor Guide
1  seeder  GregTx    3 weeks ago

512

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
1.1  devangelical  replied to  GregTx @1    3 weeks ago

[] ...

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
2  Trout Giggles    3 weeks ago

Ok, Greg, this is actually funny. I love dogs like most people here do, but this is actually good satire

 
 
 
George
Junior Expert
3  George    3 weeks ago

LOL

 
 
 
The Chad
Freshman Guide
4  The Chad    3 weeks ago

I heard that dogs are shaving their heads, getting blue tattoos and refusing to have sex with men.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
5  Kavika     3 weeks ago

Norm was last seen with a 90 lb pit bull with its teeth sunk deep in her ass. In a moment of poetic justice Noem trying to shoot the pittie ended up shooting herself in the foot.

 
 

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